Blog Review for 2012———> LorriKey.Com


 

Thanks to all my readers who supported me in LorriKey.com also known as the place for Encouragement, Empowerment, and Entertainment. I wrote topics ranging on social media to faith and pop culture. In 2013, I’m looking forward to sharing more writings with new and faithful followers. Thanks again for your support! LMK

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This Woman’s Worth


When you get yourself out of bad situations, you always come full circle just to remind you how ridiculously low you were. Sometimes you meet up with the person, or the issue, and have the same test from years ago to see if you’ve learned the lesson from the circumstance. Then you make a choice.  You’ve either  grown  or still are  ignorant about an area of your life. Full Circle.  I had one of those moments a month ago when I went to my college homecoming.

Every year  my undergrad celebrates homecoming whether I go or not. I’ve only gone twice in the last 10 years, but I always get “the” call.  HE calls once a year under the guise of seeing if I am in town. For what? You do the math.  The past three years, it always happens on a Friday night,  then I get texts throughout the weekend asking where I am  and what I’m doing. Most of the time, the first one is at a decent hour. The second….mmmm at least 11:30p but never around dinner time or daylight. It was cute when we first met  and  we hooked up. But that wore off quickly eventually when I realized I was in a jacked up lopsided empty relationship. I use the term relationship loosely because even when you aren’t committed, you are still “relating” to that person in some form or fashion. We like to kid ourselves with fake terminology but it’s real.  Like any man, he worked it so it felt like we were together all year-long. He gave tremendously when we were together, but only to keep me distracted by his lack of committment.  At the time, I couldn’t see that though because my mind was blown. And I was  dumb.   Too satisfied with his attention to realize he was just using me and it didn’t matter when he would pull his random disappearing acts. I say it didn’t matter but I didn’t care until I realized what I wanted didn’t matter to him. Ain’t that somethin? We lived in different cities so who knows who and what else he was doing in the spirit of community service. Again, I didn’t care because I didn’t care about me. You ever been there where you know the truth but you ignore it because it’s too easy to see? Because when you admit it, you can only blame yourself for allowing the bullish to continue going on? I think it was one of the lowest points for me as a woman because my attempts to force him to respect me sounded like “please do me right” weak. I could go on a religious rant right now about how your body is a temple and guard your heart, but my heart was hurting so it didn’t really matter who got a hold of it.

So like I said, this year 2012 when I got the call, I was indifferent. Because before, I’d see the number and my mind would say….”I really want to talk to you, but I can’t because you don’t want to talk to me for the right reasons I so I can’t respond to you.”  I hadn’t answered in several years, but I always remembered the feeling of being with him.  I didn’t respond to the texts, but each time he sent one I immediately remembered his scent. I asked him to not call or text anymore almost a year ago, and it worked. Until 2012. Homecoming. This time, I got angry.  Because its public knowledge he has a girlfriend. Call me proper, but I don’t mess with anyone when I know they are in a relationship. Ever. So, on top of disrespecting me as he’d become accustomed to, now he felt it was okay to boldly go into disrespecting her too? Full circle. You get to see it all and smell the scent of the ish you were knee-deep in.   So the “call” is simply now a reminder of his total and utter lack of respect for me. Because if I tell you I no longer want any contact with you, but you do it anyway, you STILL don’t respect me. You only respect what you want. Full circle. Back then, my actions weren’t lining up with my words so it didn’t matter that his didn’t either. I gave away my worth every time I entertained him. Every time I picked up the phone in response. I don’t know how I got to that point, but I do know I’m no longer there. When I got the last text at 12:30am this year, I said wow, is he for real? No longer was it entertaining. Now, it was pathetic. Full circle. My worth, not his. My response,not his. My way, or none of me at all.  Every woman learns to commands respect. Sometimes right from the start, sometimes after the lesson. I knew it before, but not well enough. I learned it again because of him.  THIS strength in knowing there is a man who will honor me. Until then, I choose to  honor myself. Full circle. THIS woman’s worth.

Sunday Sermon: Possess the Land


I’ve been thinking lately about the things we let pass us by. Things we really want, we are actually meant to have, but we settle because we are too afraid to trust God in the process of him providing his purpose in our blessing. I’m not regretting anything, but today’s Sunday sermon  reminded me of a few things about being trusting enough to just go for it. In Numbers 13:30 Caleb speaks and tells the people “we should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.” They just viewed the land flowing with milk and honey, but started giving excuses why they couldn’t take it over. Ever seen an opportunity but talked yourself out of the blessing? Like “I’m not smart enough”, or “I don’t have the money now”. Or maybe “I don’t have the time to put into that project” which is tailor-made for you to begin creating your own work schedule.”  God always sees the bigger picture before we do. So when he tells us to go, do, and step out on faith, and we pout and insist on giving him excuses, we are judging his promises. I love how the Pastor put it today. He simply said, if we really have a relationship with God, we ought to act like we expect him to work on our behalf. We ought to continue to praise him even when we are unsure of what the outcome is. I raise my hand and admit guilt because  sometimes I forget  that God’s promises pertain to me especially when things aren’t  going like I expect them too. My finances still aren’t where I need to be especially after 6 months earlier in the year of freelancing (because of job loss)and having sporadic work. But the thing is, that time was simply a distraction from God’s promise to be Jehovah Jireh. This year more than ever has taught me to focus and not get distracted by what’s going on around me. The uncertainty, the loneliness, could easily take over and force me to start fending for myself. But God has given me clear direction. And it’s never been to give my opinion about his word or the direction he’s leading me.

Today, the instruction was to own the land. Not question God, not give my two cents  about it, and certainly not try to go behind His back and design my own “CandyLand” that looks like what I think is best.  In other words, stop looking at my abilities and assuming I can’t write as well as others, can’t create a healthy relationship again, and can’t overcome my own issues with self-doubt. God never asked me my thoughts about any of that. He really didn’t. What he did ask me to do what to stop looking my abilities but start looking at abilities of the God I worship. I’m not opposed to receiving God’s blessings in my life and I thank him that even when my perspective is off , he’s willing to correct my vision.  So,  I don’t see my obstacles as giants anymore, but more like the tiny grasshoppers that I can easily overcome by simply following God’s hand and move around them.

In Defense of NeNe Leakes


This week the internet was buzzing with the news that NeNe Leakes was on the cover of Ebony Magazine‘s Power 100 issue. Not only was she draped in diamonds lounging in a bathtub, but the cover was appropriately titled the Money and Power issue. My first thought was ewwwww because I’ve always thought Ebony covers were held for the Black Elite based on their entertainment, cross over appeal, or simple community activism. I honestly think Ruby Dee or Oprah Winfrey when I hear the words Ebony Magazine.

Not anymore. For those of us clutching our pearls in shame for this display of “blackness”, we have to admit something. We created the monster. America treats reality tv as if it’s on the same level as Law and Order, Gray’s Anatomy, and god forbid, Scandal. We actually tune in for the weekly train wreck and gawk, complain at the negative imagery, only to do it all again sitting in the same spot of the sofa the next week. I can’t blame tv execs, because they only create what they know people will watch. Imagine how many tv scripted sitcoms and dramas are canned every year because they simply can’t compete with NeNe and Sheree going at it or Steebie J  runnin’ game on Joseline while professing his love for both of his girlfriends while sitting on the couch in therapy.

I’ve backed off of watching too much reality tv save The Voice, because it takes jobs away from talented actors who actually train and refine their craft with the goal of being  taken seriously.  I also know that the imagery, however scripted, is largely what other groups of people use to define their perspective of the African-American culture. So while I hate that Nene is on the cover when there are 99 other qualified, educated, non-bullying  people, I know exactly why she’s being rewarded. We constantly reward bad behavior under the guise of “hustle”. So, while I disagree with the bad behavior that got her to where she is, we gladly ushered her into the limelight. I rest my case.

Good Intentions but Bad Results


My job requires almost 8 hours of  diversity training so we are sitting through sessions all month. First, we completed this cool assessment through Harvard  called Project Implicit study. Apparently, it takes data and tells you what your preferences, prejudices are ranging from sexual orientation to light skin vs dark skin preferences.  It’s funny because one of the questions asked if I was a parent. I said no, thinking that was the end of that round. But it then got deep on me and asked it I wanted to have kids. I figured I knew the direction this was going and silently smacked my lips saying yes. A blurb popped up on the screen flashing…”many times what people want and intend to do are two different things.” I blinked thinking is this machine trying to read me and clicked next.  Then, the computer asked again..”Are you planning and intend to have kids?” I said yes but was shook by the specificity of the question. What we want and what we are willing to do to get to the desired outcome are often two different things. With that, I’m at it again with another writing challenge for November called #BlogLikeCrazy.

Of course the last time I did a blog challenge  was for  #30in30. I think I did about, oh……25. So the first prompt for #bloglikecrazy is about intent. I’ll start by sharing things I intend to do in the month of November.  I intend to write each day with the hope of posting to my blog. This intent thing is serious now after doing the Havvvvaaarrrrdddd test and all, because it made me realize I don’t always follow through with my goals. See, in August I  wanted to start dating again and pitching to write articles to online mags. What happened? Nothing. I didn’t go out on a date, I didn’t meet anyone, and I didn’t pitch. I did everything but. Worked out, read, wrote, worked, ate, slept. But nothing towards the goals I set for myself. I finally figured it out. I am chicken*()*. You can fill in the blank or call it what you like, but the things I really want to do, I somehow find a way to avoid because I would hate to fail at them. Now there are some things that I have actually followed through on like creating a logo and working to create a new design for a blog, but they weren’t my primary goals.  I even got another singing gig after feeling like I crapped after losing my main gig with my former employer. My point is what we intend and what we want don’t always coincide because of fear, procrastination, and plain laziness. I’m over  all the cornfed excuses I can come up with. I’m holding me back and that’s a sad thing to admit.

So #bloglikecrazy is my time to  get started with a new part of my life-the one where I actively overcome the things that are holding me back. It won’t be easy, but  I’ve skated by long enough and since I know what I want, and believe I can have it, what am I waiting for? I changed the way I set my goals from “I want” to “I will.” I intend to be the best steward of the gifts God gave to me.  And also catch up with a handsome man for coffee soon as well as send of at least 2 pitches by the end of the month.

Hair Chronicles: Hairstylists from Hell


I’ve been on a  journey since forsaking the concept of chemicals in my head. I went from the short cut that allowed me to put two dabs of gel in it and go, to the bushy, curly do that sometimes looks confused at what it’s doing.  But one thing hasn’t changed and that’s my luck with NOT  finding a consistent hairdresser. Each time I decided to let my hair grow out for 2-3 months at a time, it would get bigger and bigger. I’m in a  city where it’s not predominantly black so I tried a barber  ’round the corner to have it trimmed. His idea of trimmed was cutting it. Which sucks because I was trying to grow it out!!!!

Take two: I went to a  hairdresser who was more into shaping and trimming who was highly recommended by a coworker. First time out, she was attentive and patient, looking to trim and not cut too much. I went back a second time and I left with it lopsided. WTH? She cut it unevenly and so I felt like I needed to tilt my head to the side or put a piece of weave in to make it even. Sigh… At this point, I stopped going to barbers, beauticians, and decided it is just going to be whatever’s on my head. Why pay someone when they are just going to take me back to the starting point?

Fast forward to one year later. I discovered You Tube, Curly Nikki, all these great hairstyles that I know I can’t create on my own. My hair is now long enough and healthy enough that I decided to try one more time to hook up with someone to play in my head. So….I got on a MeetUp page with natural hair chicks and asked for recommendations. I got two great ones! I made my first appointment and she was so excited to see my hair. She fawned over it talkin’ bout “girl your hair does anything I want it to do, I just love it!” (please remember that response in just one second.) I said that’s great and all but “How much is all that going to cost me?” I mean seriously, one of the reasons I went natural was to save money. She gave me the standard 35.00. Sold! I got a cute hairstyle, which I could sleep on and just wake up and fluff! It  lasted for week so I figured I’d hit her up and go back.

Here comes the hard part. So, when I call you and leave a message you normally respond right? No bueno. She didn’t return my call asking for an appointment in a week.  I checked the number, gave it two days, but figured, this is your bizzz, so why you trippin’? Didn’t you luv my hair? blah, blah? Welp. The problem was I had to go out-of-town and you know how important it is to be appropriately coiffed when flying on da plane. I called back getting desperate. This chick ain’t returning my calls? hmpf! So, I got creative and called the shop and asked for ANYBODY who did natural hair. I got an appointment and let out a deep sign of relief! I needed my hair done and this fool was playin’! So why all of a sudden do I get a call from the MIA stylist two days later asking “I heard you were looking for me.” Of course I was twit! But I calmy said,  “I didn’t know if you were too busy so I went ahead and made an appointment because I needed to get out of town-with my hair done.” She ended up doing my  hair after admitting the other stylist couldn’t do it because she wouldn’t be in the shop. So now, I’m pissed. Is this not your business? And are you still in love with my head like you said you were? I’m quietly seething trying to figure things out when she up and says, regardless of what hair style you get, it’s now $65.  My hair is dripping wet, I have 16 hours before I’m on a plane and I’m looking at Ms. “I can’t call you back to make some money.”

Several thoughts ran through my head. DO I stab her now or wait? Whose going to do my head or will I be in jail so it won’t matter? Man, this chick is trippin’ and I paid her the money. LAST TIME. On the plane, I got home and started looking up the other number for hair stylist. It goes to show that it’s a process to find a hair stylist who not only can do your hair, but is consistent and wants to work. This is why I cut my hair off in the first place. Cue the you tube videos because surfed on the plane before realizing I could do the same thing she was doing to my curls. Of course, it will look different so we are back to only using hairstylist only on special occasions. Ain’t this the jinks? But I’m back to savin’ my coins instead of dealing with idiot businesswomen who only respond to text messages. Sorry for the rant. But I hate unprofessionalism in every area of life!

Is Life Passing You By?


Nothing shakes you more and reminds you of the brevity of life when you visit the hospital. A month ago I sat in my friend’s hospital room while she recovered from a complicated surgery. It started out as a simple female procedure but somehow turned into a week-long stay from unexpected complications. I took turns with friends visiting  her to make sure she wasn’t feeling too down or frustrated about losing the freedom to move around too much. She rarely is sad and it shocked me to see her struggling to keep up her joy. It was at this moment I realized we learn our greatest lessons when we realize what we’ve taken for granted.

It got me to thinking about if I was really living the life I say I am when I ended up chatting with a mutual friend at the hospital.  It was a Saturday but she was diligently typing away on her laptop when I walked in my friend’s room.  I brought my Kindle Fire along but only had it for fun and not work. So, I asked her how she’d been and said, “Are you working on a project?” She quickly responded “Oh no, I’m just completing work. That’s all I do.” I said “Really?” Her head was buried in the laptop when she said….”Yea.”  I remembered she was in a sorority and mentioned seeing some of her soror sisters involved in a community service project over the weekend. I asked if she was active or ever worked with any of them. Again, she said, “I don’t even know when they meet. I should get more involved.”

I’m stunned because this woman was beautiful, smart, successful, but largely isolated from anything but her job. Here I was telling her more about organizations she’s affiliated with  just because I was paying more attention. She admitted she didn’t get out much unless it was related to work. We talked a bit more and she shared that even though she had her own moment with a life changing and personal illness, she hadn’t taken hold of truly living instead of focusing her energy on work.   Somehow, she’s  still clinging to work as her life’s purpose.  Here’s the deal. We all have the tendency to cling to what we know and what’s comfortable  out of fear. More than likely, we don’t   realize that we shortchange ourselves by doing so. Unfortunately, I saw alot of myself in her. Of course I can cushion the blow by saying I’m not that bad, but alot of my life is patterned around work and finding more opportunities to work. That’s where alot of my value comes from (which I constantly battle). I volunteer here and there, but I’ve gotten comfortable being by myself and fail at going out alone or if I’m not with a friend.  While I love what I do both as a counselor and as a singer, it won’t always be there.  And since it won’t, it’s time to start focusing more on creating relationships that last and not based simply on what I do for a living. I certainly don’t want to wake up one day and realize I’m all I got.

It was ironic that as I listened to this woman maybe five years older than me, I learned that while I am chasing my career goals, other more personal ones are getting slighted.  It reminded me that if I’m not careful, I’ll end up the same way dragging my laptop around as my friend. I’m so careful with my life choices sometimes to the point that I’m almost afraid to make a move, but my conversation with the laptop lady  reminded me that it’s important to create a sense of  balance. I’ve made more of an effort to spend time with family and friends and even seek them out to nurture our relationships. In the next months, I’ll be sharing my experiences and difficulties of  trying to even out the time I spend in my personal life and my career. I don’t want to look back and see missed opportunities because I was afraid of failure or too focused on moving up in the world. My friend is out of the hospital now and recovering like a champ. So, I’m challenging myself to get out of my comfort zone even more so that I don’t only have certificates of attendance and job promotions as my only proof I was here.