Good Intentions but Bad Results

My job requires almost 8 hours of  diversity training so we are sitting through sessions all month. First, we completed this cool assessment through Harvard  called Project Implicit study. Apparently, it takes data and tells you what your preferences, prejudices are ranging from sexual orientation to light skin vs dark skin preferences.  It’s funny because one of the questions asked if I was a parent. I said no, thinking that was the end of that round. But it then got deep on me and asked it I wanted to have kids. I figured I knew the direction this was going and silently smacked my lips saying yes. A blurb popped up on the screen flashing…”many times what people want and intend to do are two different things.” I blinked thinking is this machine trying to read me and clicked next.  Then, the computer asked again..”Are you planning and intend to have kids?” I said yes but was shook by the specificity of the question. What we want and what we are willing to do to get to the desired outcome are often two different things. With that, I’m at it again with another writing challenge for November called #BlogLikeCrazy.

Of course the last time I did a blog challenge  was for  #30in30. I think I did about, oh……25. So the first prompt for #bloglikecrazy is about intent. I’ll start by sharing things I intend to do in the month of November.  I intend to write each day with the hope of posting to my blog. This intent thing is serious now after doing the Havvvvaaarrrrdddd test and all, because it made me realize I don’t always follow through with my goals. See, in August I  wanted to start dating again and pitching to write articles to online mags. What happened? Nothing. I didn’t go out on a date, I didn’t meet anyone, and I didn’t pitch. I did everything but. Worked out, read, wrote, worked, ate, slept. But nothing towards the goals I set for myself. I finally figured it out. I am chicken*()*. You can fill in the blank or call it what you like, but the things I really want to do, I somehow find a way to avoid because I would hate to fail at them. Now there are some things that I have actually followed through on like creating a logo and working to create a new design for a blog, but they weren’t my primary goals.  I even got another singing gig after feeling like I crapped after losing my main gig with my former employer. My point is what we intend and what we want don’t always coincide because of fear, procrastination, and plain laziness. I’m over  all the cornfed excuses I can come up with. I’m holding me back and that’s a sad thing to admit.

So #bloglikecrazy is my time to  get started with a new part of my life-the one where I actively overcome the things that are holding me back. It won’t be easy, but  I’ve skated by long enough and since I know what I want, and believe I can have it, what am I waiting for? I changed the way I set my goals from “I want” to “I will.” I intend to be the best steward of the gifts God gave to me.  And also catch up with a handsome man for coffee soon as well as send of at least 2 pitches by the end of the month.